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Beans-oh-beans

^This is the dog 4 Years ago.... Grotesque


^But, this is the dog today.... Beautiful!

This is Hobbes, my dog. She is also known as Beans, Beese, Binks, Mupper star pupper star SUPER star, Loodle McNoodle and Wussy-lion. She was born on March 23, 2003 (My birthday). She wasn't wanted by my mom or dad until I just thought it would be cool to bring her home and as soon as I did she was accepted. Lately, she has put on like 30 pounds and is lazy as ever... I think she may be "Mentally Deficient", as told to me by my friend and she kinda is. Definitely not the brightest dog, or most active, or fun, or skinny, but loving all the same.

When a Good Man Makes Bad Dinner

It started innocently enough with a phone call.

J: You called?
D: Yes, where are you at?
J: Just getting off the freeway.
D: Do me a favor?
J: Sure, what is it?
D: Can you stop and grab a pizza?
J: I thought you were making dinner?
D: I did, but I tried to throw something together, and well… it pretty much tastes like ass.

So I get home after grabbing the pizza (oh-so-thankful for the new Little Caesar’s that just opened nearby) and inspect D’s attempts at dinner. Normally he is an inventive, creative chef and some of the most “interesting” looking dishes are quite amazing.

This was sitting on the stovetop when I got home.




It doesn’t LOOK like it tastes like ass. I mean, you can’t really ruin pasta dishes. Can you? Little Brother and I both decide it can’t be THAT bad, and grab a forkful. At first taste, its actually not terrible, but OH. MY.GAH. The aftertaste! I couldn’t quite place it… until I noticed the contents of the trash can.

Seriously? Cream-of-fecking-celery? With diced tomatoes and parmesan cheese? Really? REALLY?

But here’s the kicker. D says it’s not the celery. He asks do I detect a hint of vanilla? Apparently he was attempting to make Alfredo sauce and we didn’t have any heavy cream, so he substituted a little of this instead.

Bon Appetit! Dinner is served!

P.S. This is not the only food-related anecdote in our family. The "Great Minestrone Soup Incident" will be a point of disagreement in our family for years to come. Some day when there is the time and energy to spend, that story can be retold in it's full glory.

Who Rocks the House?

Little Sister would like to share this cheer for her Big Sister.

Who rocks the house?
My sister rocks the house.
And when my sister rocks the house
She rocks it all the way around.
Unh!

http://uysa.affinitysoccer.com/tour/public/info/scoring_leaders.asp?sessionguid=&flightguid={06B9F14B-136B-4E07-A09F-88192E3120F5}&tournamentguid={3AB6FCBE-B141-426C-A2ED-D36765DE0EBC}

Yesterday Big Sister scored three, count ‘em three goals. This brings her to at total of 6 goals scored in 6 games.

The sad part of this… I have missed seeing 5 of them! But luckily D was there to see her in her moment(s) of glory! (BTW: I only missed two games. She scored 2 in one game and 3 last night, so I am not THAT much of a slacker mom!)

Way to go Lou Who!

FIXED!!!

Call off the alarms.... all is well.

Note to self: Do not attempt layout changes in the late evening hours. You know, after say... 8:00PM.

BROKEN!

I broke the blog.

In an attempt to make it more appealing, I RUINED IT!!!
I lost all the links, pictures and text on the side bar.
I can't update the layout anymore... I am stuck in the uninspired world of nondescript blogger default templates.
Dear Lord, what have I done???

Hairy Ape

In the chaos of the last two weeks, I have somehow neglected to shave my underarms. In the words of my 10-year old niece... "I mean, really...who DOOOES that??"

Wild Life - Part I

These guys often come visit me in the field behind our house. Okay, maybe they are there to graze on the alfalfa growing in that same field, but I like to think they are there just to see me. Forgive my pathetic camera if you can't tell that they are... a herd of mountain goats. They are the closest I will ever get to owning a real goat, because D is adamant that our neighbors already have to put up with enough wildlife living at our house.


Anyway, when these guys show up it drives our dog out of her mind. She doesn't understand why they just stand there and stare at her when she starts baying at them with a look that says "You can't be serious fatso," unlike the deer who haul ass out of there as soon as she starts in. Again my apologies for the terrible photos, but she is literally leaping up and down at the sight of these guys having their afternoon snack courtesy of Farmer Joe and his allergy, I mean alfalfa, patch.

This was the best I image I could get of her racing up and down the fence line trying to get some, hell ANY, kind of reaction.

This is the same dog who believes it is her duty to protect her family unit from the pizza delivery guy, the boy scouts and any other unsuspecting visitor to our home.... from the SAFETY OF THE COUCH. In addition, Heaven help any 12 inch-high fluffy little dog that comes strutting along the path behind our house, they get an ear full of mindless barking coming through the screen of the back window.

I know I personally feel safer with the comfort of having her around to protect me from the big bad goats and poodles that troll our neighborhood.

Text Message

J: I left a message on your cell, but it went straight to voice mail. Just wanted to let you know that I made a hair appointment for 6:00

D: For me?

J: Ummm…. Well, no. For me. Although, you have been looking a little ragged lately.

D: You mean rugged…. Big difference.

Stuck in the Craw

On infinite repeat in my brain today:

Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your adverbs here.
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly got some adverbs here.

http://www.schoolhouserock.tv/Lolly.html

Pondering

Are these lyrics the work of a musical genius or the work of a master of the obvious?

Some girls are bigger than others.
Some girls are bigger than others.
Some girl's mothers are bigger than other girl's mothers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxaBnh-pKi0

I know my opinion, what's yours?

On the Soap Box

The world learned today of Governor Sarah Palin’s 17-year old daughter’s pregnancy. Much respect should be given to both presidential candidates, as both have taken the stance that this subject is “off- limits” (Obama) and “a private, family matter” (McCain).

However, the fact that James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, offered a quote to the media could not be ignored. As usual, he felt the need to weigh in with his two cents on matters concerning the conscience of America.

“We have always encouraged the parents to love and support their children and always advised the girls to see their pregnancies through, even though there will of course be challenges along the way. That is what the Palins are doing, and they should be commended once again for not just talking about their pro-life and pro-family values, but living them out even in the midst of trying circumstances,” Dobson said.”
http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/09/01/palins-17-year-old-daughter-is-pregnant/

If it were any other person making that statement, there would be nothing to be mentioned on this blog. It’s a nice, thoughtful, seemingly innocuous thing to say. But. This. Guy. He is something ELSE.

Maybe Governor Palin should have followed this gold nugget of advice while raising her teenage daughter:

"Not only is the typical rebellion of those years a stressful experience, but the chauffeuring, supervising, cooking, and cleaning required to support a teenager can be exhausting.
Someone within the family must reserve the time and energy to cope with those new challenges. Mom is the candidate of choice. Remember, too, that menopause and a man's midlife crisis are scheduled to coincide with adolescence, which can make a wicked soup! It is a wise mother who doesn't exhaust herself at a time when so much is going on at home."
http://family.custhelp.com./cgi-bin/family.cfg/php/enduser/std_adp.php?p_faqid=974

Or maybe she can incorporate this suggestion while raising her other children:

"It is not necessary to beat the child into submission; a little bit of pain goes a long way for a young child. However, the spanking should be of sufficient magnitude to cause the child to cry genuinely."
Dobson, James C. (1977-02). Dare to Discipline. Bantam, 7. ISBN 0553228412.

All past quotes aside, how can this guy reconcile within himself. He is on one hand praising McCain for choosing Palin, while on the other hand he firmly believes that a woman should be at home raising her family. He says when he learned of her candidacy he had not been so excited for a candidate since Ronald Reagan, yet the very way she lives her life seems to fly in the face of his view of “family values.”

Actually, come to think of it…. why is he even offering his opinion anyway? He has already been quoted as saying:

“I cannot, and will not, vote for Sen. John McCain, as a matter of conscience. I believe this general election will offer the worst choices for president in my lifetime. I certainly can’t vote for Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama based on their virulently anti-family policy positions. If these are the nominees in November, I simply will not cast a ballot for president for the first time in my life.”
http://blogs.reuters.com/trail08/2008/02/05/dobson-delivers-blow-to-mccain-candidacy/

Our family, (working mom included), wish Governor Palin and her family the best of luck in the future and we wish that James Dobson would crawl back under the rock that he came from.

I Love a Parade

(Disclaimer: This post is a *little* belated. My apologies for being such a slacker.)

I love a Parade

Actually, I don’t. But my sister (aka Auntie) and most of Salt Lake County do!

The Days of ’47 are a huge deal here. The parade, the rodeo, the fireworks…. All the hoopla required to reinforce the fact that indeed “This is the Place!” http://www.daysof47.com/


But really, the crowning glory of it all is the Parade. Parade watchers start laying a claim to their piece of asphalt hours and hours before the event. The Parade is televised, but apparently it just doesn't pack the same punch as viewing it live from a lawn chair on the baking blacktop with a bazillion other bleary-eyed parents and their cotton-candy-fueled offspring.

In years past, it has been a gathering of families. An opportunity to haul your tents and your coolers and your Uno games to the curb and have an all-nighter with other families who may or may not share your heritage. Your one common thread with these people was the love of the Parade. It was a grand time to be had by all. http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=3842263

Flash forward to 2008….

Auntie wanted to create a memory for two of her daughters, and mine as well, by taking to the streets of SLC and pulling an all-nighter to get their primo Parade-watching spot. And BOY-OH-BOY did they get some memories….

They arrived a little later than planned and as a result, had to set up camp in one of the "less desirable" areas of the city. (If Brother Brigham had seen this choice real estate first, the Land of Zion would probably be somewhere in Idaho.) However, Auntie was somewhat reassured by the heavy police presence and decided to settle in anyway. They spent a few eventless hours until my youngest niece fell asleep inside their little tent on the sidewalk. Auntie and the girls settled in to await the start of the Parade. And then, 18 hours early, the fireworks started! But not the type of fireworks they were expecting.

It began with a few restless "homegirls" trolling back and forth in front of the gathered crowds. Then came the battle cry "That's the b*tch!" and all hell breaks loose. Forty some-odd gang-bangers converged at once and commenced to beat the holy living hell out of each other in front of my horrified daughters and teenage niece. Men pounding on men, women slapping women, even one man with his hands around a woman's neck. (I use the words "men" and "women" loosely... I think animals is a more accurate term.) Auntie had the presence of mind to scoop her sleeping daughter out of the tent before two thugs came crashing on the top of it. The hoodlums then proceeded to pick up OUR lawn chairs and beat each other to a fecking pulp with their new weapons. FINALLY, the Five-0 arrived, kicked some ass and took some names and things calmed down.

Auntie then threw all her gear inside the tent, dragged it two blocks up the street, plunked down and promptly had a heart attack.

Moral of the story... why risk life and limb when you can live vicariously through your television set.

(Disclaimer 2: No Aunties were harmed in the making of this post.)

Text Message

J: I am exhausted. Calgon take me away...

D: Who is Calgon? Do I need to beat him up?

Economic Stimulus

In anticipation of our Economic Stimulus Payment, we excitedly planned our Summer 2008 Family Vacation!

Thoughts of this…

And this...

And even this....

Flitted through our heads.

But after much contemplation about this....
And this...

We settled on this....

Don’t their faces just scream excitement??

Why, you ask? Why would you ever go to Lagoon?? Because. It. Was. FREE!

Thanks to my generous (insert shameless plug here) employer, it didn’t cost a thing, which fit PRECISELY into our revised Family Vacation budget.

Because why else would someone in their right mind pay $40 PER PERSON to spend a day in what has to be the closest thing to Hell on Earth! Where the highlight of the day was the Gumwad Wall.

(The wall that we had the privilege of standing in front of for 15 minutes while the maintenance folks used a jack to line up the rails because there was a “misalignment” of the track. Suspicious.)

Anyway, THANK YOU oh-dear-and-revered government leaders for making a knee-jerk reaction to untangling the shambles of our economy and sending us some stimulus. Without which we would have been denied such an enriching Family Vacation.

God Bless America

Question

J: Honey, I have a question for you?

D: Hmmmmm....

J: If Jennifer Lopez is Marc Anthony's "J-Lo," does that make me your "J-Ho"?

D: Did you seriously just ask me that?